Well I have had quite the week. I didn't some serious back sliding, and some serious moving ahead.
First the back sliding came last Thursday where instead of going to weigh in like planned I took my kids swimming to one of our favourite swimming holes. Seemed like an innocent excuse you see I didn't really have an appointment because Linda was gone all week but I usually weigh in even if she isn't there. But as a result of not going to weigh in and having my reality check I ate a lot of chips while at the swimming hole in my defence I was hungry but also in NOT my defence I knew I was going to be hungry and didn't pack any options for myself. This is where the problem lies. It is not that I can't enjoy a chip now and then it is not having the option to eat something better after eating the chips.
The next back sliding came with making a batch of Chocolate chip cookies, WHY WHY WHY, would I make a batch of chocolate chip cookies? Good question in further reviewing this bad choice I understand that I really needed some comfort. You see I am having a hard time with my parents being gone on a mission I miss talking to them on their porch swing, especially this week. I have to take my daughter Sara up to the Children's hospital so she can see her Oncologist, and then she has to have a 24 hr blood pressure monitor on again. This is the third time this year that we have had to do these tests. It is hard. It is hard to watch your kid be brave for stuff. It is hard to watch your kid cry and be scared about stuff. It is hard monitoring all the time because I do it is not something that goes away it might move down the list of priorities but it never leaves your mind completely. What do I mean by monitoring, it is weird things for me, making sure the bruises go away, counting how much water she is drinking, making sure her bowel movements are regular, and she is peeing enough, making sure she is keeping up with the other kids, making sure she is not doing anything too risky so we can protect that one kidney. And quite frankly I don't see her keeping up with the other kids as much and it worries me more than I like to lead on about.
The moving forward came with the accomplishment of running 11 miles on Saturday. I never thought that I would run far enough that it would begin to be tricky to find mileage. For instance I had to run around the block a few times to get in an extra mile on Saturday. My Brother joined me again for about 1/2 of the distance it was great to have him along, I admire and respect his opinion on a lot of stuff, and he is very supportive in my running he makes me feel strong, and tough.
It was also my husbands 20yr reunion on Saturday, I felt great going to this and being his old trophy wife. I have to say that is one of my favourite things about running, when I do it I feel skinny I feel healthy I feel confident it doesn't really matter what I am wearing or what size it is, I feel it deep inside. There are days when I do feel like 'for lack of a better word' I am fat. I am the same size as I was the day before but that day I just don't feel skinny I feel fat. I am currently exploring this train of thought more, but haven't quite reached a conclusion. Is it possible that being skinny or fat has more to do with a frame of mind, than a state of being????
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