I had a hard week. The journalling went really well until Friday then it fell apart. But I did have a few victories, I would like to celebrate with you.
To the left is a picture of my pantry. I call it my carb closet, because there is nothing in there but carbs. I found myself standing in front of this closet a lot this week. Looking, searching, seeking after ......something......... The victory I had this week with closet is that I found myself standing there and taking a moment to say to myself "There is nothing in there, but what do you need?" I was able to realize what I needed to do, which was in this case write out a minute by minute schedule for a retreat that I was in charge of Friday. The effect was immediate, the relief of realizing what was really bothering me instead of trying to numb it with food. It was still hard to accomplish the task but I felt better about myself having done the task at hard rather than eat it away. So all of a sudden my pantry which had been
feeding me for years was actually helping, and teaching me. I now look at the pantry more like a doorway to what I really need. See the light in the back of the pantry that is how I look at it now. I just have to look beyond the boxes of food to see what I really need. After realizing this I found there were other doorways in my kitchen.
My freezer I really should start counting how often I open and close this in a day. It is another doorway. "Why are you standing here? Are you hot so you need to put your head in here? Are you really hungry? What do you need?"
The fridge there is nothing in here that I physically need. But teach me what I really need.
And my last doorway, the cupboard. I am putting these up here so I can remember to STOP and question myself. "What do I really need?"
As I get better at this the answers vary.
I need a break.
I need a friend.
I need to cry.
I need to breathe.
I need to make that phone call.
I need to write that on the calendar.
And even, I need to write that blog.