Why Barefoot??

Because being barefoot to me is being raw. Feeling every sharp rock, lush clover, spiky thistle, cushioned blade of grass, slimy covered stones, fragrant feathered flowers, cereal of sand, bead of water, element of litter, and the mash of mud.

Being Barefoot is the promise of prancing in the moonlight, leaping in the waves, running through a meadow, dancing on the porch, and doing all this while enduring a long journey to the end.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Plateaus and Patience

a land area having a relatively level surface considerably raised above adjoining land on at least one side, and often cut by deep canyons.
a period or state of little or no growth or decline: to reach a plateau in one's career.
Psychology . a period of little or no apparent progress in an individual's learning, marked by an inability to increase speed, reduce number of errors, etc., and indicated by a horizontal stretch in a learning curve or graph.
a flat stand, as for a centerpiece, sometimes extending the full length of a table.
–verb (used without object)
to reach a state or level of little or no growth or decline, esp. to stop increasing or progressing; remain at a stable level of achievement; level off: After a period of uninterrupted growth, sales began to plateau.
–verb (used with object)
to cause to remain at a stable level, esp. to prevent from rising or progressing: Rising inflation plateaued sales income.

Yes for over a month now I have weighed 187 pounds. There are several ways to look at this. I am choosing to be positive here because lets face it when has negative ever got anybody anything besides heartache.
So here are some positive thoughts on plateaus.
*If you look at the picture at the top do you see that the right side is more of a angle but the left is an absolute drop off. Well I am thinking that I have walked up the right side and am now headed toward the left which means that soon the drop off will be coming. (meaning that hopefully I will drop pounds not drop off a cliff although.....)
*You will also notice in the picture that the plateau has a beginning and an end. I have been here for some time so hopefully the end will be soon.
*I have still lost 98.6 pounds.
*I could be so morbidly obese that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed this morning.
*I could be at the funeral home planning a loved ones funeral this morning.
*I could be at the Children's hospital with one of the children this morning.

I got nothing else, yes I am feeling a little down, disappointed, discouraged, and scared. I am scared that what I have been doing is not enough that it is really not a plateau at all and that I need to step it up a bit. I almost feel like I need to start Lifestyles program all over again. Pay my $30 bucks sign the paper saying I will commit to it for a year. And walk in there and have all the information given to me again.

I always try to go back to basics:
*When you look at your plate it should be 1/2 veggies, 1/3 protein, 1/3 starch.
*Stop eating 3 hours before you go to bed
*Exercise 30 min five days a week.
*Keep appointments for weigh weekly.
*Journal your food.
*Be totally Honest.

I haven't been the very best at the food part lately. I have been taking extra bites. I have become the garbage can again. Eating a little left over here and a little left over there. I guess maybe this has caught up to me. Once again I need to start over, ok I am wonderful and deserve accolades for losing 98 pounds but the truth is I am not finished I want to hit a certain goal, and so I need to make a decision to do that. That decision has to be made every time there is food of any kind in my hand. I have to say to myself do you want to eat that or do you want to reach your goal weight? Why are you eating that right now? What do you really want? For instance right now I really want Hot chocolate. Why? What will the hot chocolate do you for you right now how will it make you feel?
It would make me feel warm, comforted, relaxed, taken care of, mothered, hugged, like I have done something for myself, like I have done something worthy for myself. So if that is what you really want what can you give yourself instead?

This seems like the eternal question.
I have strategies.
*Dance to really loud music
*Read a book
*Snuggle with my kids
*Phone a friend

*Try on the size 14 bathing suit I bought myself, again.

I might have to employ all of these today at one time or another. But if that is what I need to do then that is what I will do.
I really didn't know it would be this hard. It is really hard.

While talking to Linda she said "There is only one way to get through a plateau, and it starts with a "P".... Patience"
YUCK is what I said.
But this morning I was reading through my journal and found this quote again.

...... patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort.

There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!
-Continue in Patience
DIETER F. UCHTDORF, Second Counselor in the First Presidency
April 2010 Conference

So in patience I plod forward, with out passive resignation, keeping fears in check, actively trying to improve my eating, working, hoping and definitely exercising not only faith but physically with my body. Reminding myself that they are called plateaus for a reason and that reason is that they don't last forever.

Last night I attended a workshop for Lifestyles that Linda put on in Mountain View, and after she did an excellent job, Jesse and I spoke about Kettlebells. There was great interest and everybody was incredibly supportive. Every time we talk about Kettle bells everyone is so excited. I sure love them. Here are some great pictures.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

No - 100

I don't know what to say. I maybe had two days a little off. Like over by a hundred calories, but compensated that with 4 days of morning and night workouts. I am working my tail off, no literally, I got a compliment on the cuteness of my "tail."

So what do I do now?

Binge on ice cream, chocolate, cookies, cake, big turk, oh henry, kit kat, mint aero, rolo, doritos, and slurpee.


It is not worth it, I have come too far. I don't want to do that. I want to be strong, I want to be positive, I want to just keep going no mater what. You know what, scratch that, I am strong, I am positive, I am going to keep going no mater what. I have 98 pounds of proof that what I am doing ie journaling, watching portions, exercising, going to group, makes me lose weight so I will continue to do so.

Still, if you were here to ask, yes, I threw a physical hissy fit when I went to weigh in today. I did manage to keep the tears to a minimum. But seriously, AHHHHHHHHHH!

I feel as though the gauntlet has been thrown down, and in case you are wondering yes I am picking it up. I will beat this, I will win.

All I can control is my eating and exercise.

I was reading in Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage. When Jesus walked on water to the apostles in the ship. It is actually found in Matthew 14: 22-33. Elder Talmage writes the following quote about it.
Into every adult human life come experiences like unto the battling of the storm-tossed voyagers with contrary winds and threatening seas; ofttimes the night of struggle and danger is far advanced before succor appears; and then too frequently the saving aid is mistaken for a greater terror. As came unto Peter and his terrified companions in the midst of the turbulent waters, so comes to all who toil in faith, the voice of the Deliverer - "It is I; be not afraid"

There is a ridiculous amount of weirdness going on in my life right now. I am in a storm. It really feels like I have knocked out Goliath and drug him off the battle field only to walk into a storm. I know there must be a saving aid on the way but I am terrified of it?
Am I scared of 100?
Is it just a matter of time till I get there or am I scared to reach that?
Where is my confidence? Where is my spirit of adventure?
I don't think I am scared of it. In fact I want it pretty badly.

I am toiling in faith and I have heard, and felt the voice of the Deliverer in so many different ways in the last couple of weeks. Which has strengthened my testimony. Whether it was a phone call from a friend, the gift of a scarf, a hug, a compliment, a great article, a thought from a book, or an encouraging word. I know I am not alone or forgotten in my storm.
So as for 100 well there is always next week.

Friday, January 14, 2011


Every since I remember my family has recited poetry. I remember my Grandma doing it when she was in the Nursing home for people still. I think she was 90 something. My Dad always tells me stories of driving teams of horses with my grandpa with him reciting poetry to him. With the reciting poems we have always written some. Some of them are funny some are in remembrance, some tell a story, some describe a feeling. I have written one lately that I am quite nervous to post here, but I am going to do it anyway. It isn't a rhyming one it is more serious about a walk I took about a week and a half ago. Hope you enjoy.

The Garden

I visited the Garden,
again late last night.

Only the full moon to guide me,
but still I took the flight.

I brought with me my platter,
heaped high with heart break and sin.

And I walked it through the moonlight Garden
though I did not want to enter in.

I wander hopeless and crying,
my body weak and hurting.

Till I found Him in the moonlight Garden,
still kneeling, praying, pleading,

The earth was cold and damp,
yet spongey covered in moss.
I knew the place was sacred,
I held my breath, forgot to breath,
Could I? Would I? Really lay my platter at His knee.

I approached almost crawling
Still fighting every urge to run.

Till I too knelt at that alter
beside Gods only begotten Son.

My platter still in hand.
Why do I hold it so tight?

I again took in the alter,
made of rock, so solid, to with stand any pain.
To the touch it was so rough,
yet beautiful, with running color in its veins.

I looked again at my platter,
the massive, hoard seemed just too much,
Could I? Would I? just place any of it down,
did it really even matter?

It was to hard to handle,
so awkward, and unbalanced.
It finally just dropped down,
upon the musty ground.

He looked at me still bleeding,
those eyes,
I bowed my head.
I saw Him reach down to my platter,
and plucked it off, the earth, so low.
I wept, and stayed a while,
not really understanding,
why he had to hurt just so.

Could I? Would I? take my platter back.
Make easier this burden to bare.

When he turned to me, and looked my way, me kneeling still right there.

“No, my sister this is the plan,
I was sent here to do.
I will take the platter that is why I am here.
So I can heal you.”

My frame so weak,
my mind still numb,
I got up off the holy soil.

And walked back through the moonlight Garden,
Where I placed my platters down.

Will I be back?
Yes surely
It is the way its suppose to be
Me coming through the moonlight Garden
often and repeatedly.

Barb Pilling Salmon
January 2010

Friday, January 7, 2011

Why are you eating?

In the course of the last 18 months, this question, why are you eating? has come up a lot. It has been answered in a variety of different ways. I need it for energy, I want to feel relaxed, I want to be comforted.... and so on.

Today while doing my scripture study I came across an article written by James E. Talmage in the Improvement Era Volume 17, Number 2. It is called Pleasure vs Happiness. This is the quote that hit me.

Happiness is true food, wholesome, nutritious, and sweet; it builds up the body and generates energy for action, physical, mental and spiritual; pleasure is but deceiving stimulant which like spirituous drink, makes one think he is strong when in reality enfeebled; makes him fancy he is well when in fact stricken with deadly malady.
Happiness leaves no bad after-taste, it is followed by no depressing reaction; it call for no repentance, brings no regret, entails no remorse; pleasure too often makes necessary repentance, contrition, and suffering; and if indulged to the extreme, it brings degradation and destruction.
True happiness is lived over and over again in memory, always with a renewal of the original good; a moment of unholy pleasure may leave a barbed sting, which, like a thorn in the flesh, is an ever-present source of anguish.
Happiness is not akin with levity, nor is it one with light-minded mirth. It springs from the deeper fountains of the soul, and is not infrequently accompanied by tears.
I have

This has made me think of a new questions to ask.
Are you eating for Happiness or pleasure?
Is eating this going to leave an after-taste?
What will be my long term reaction be in eating this? Will it be a renewal of the original good? Or leave a barbed sting, like a thorn in the flesh?
Will eating this build up my body and generate energy? Or will it bring contrition, suffering, degradation, and destruction?
Will I regret eating this? Will it bring me remorse?
I am eating Happiness or am I "succumbing the promise of a momentary pleasure?"

I have to say so far in my life I have never regretted eating a pepper, a salad, or a carrot. Eating the right things, lives over and over in my memory with a renewal of the original good.

With my journey so far, I have wept at least twice because I have been so happy. They are:
Finishing my 1/2 Marathon
Being under 200 pounds

I anticipate tears within the next couple of weeks when I hit my 100 pound weight loss.
These moments truly are happiness. I especially love this definition he gave "True happiness is lived over and over again in memory, always with a renewal of the original good." That is exactly what these moments have brought me.

Also in my studies this morning, I read Pres. Monson's talk in Preisthood session entitled "The Three R's of Choice." Just a reminder that anything highlighted in my blogs means you can click on it and it will give you more information on that phrase or word just FYI. In it he talks about the right of choice, the responsibility of choice, and the results of choice.
"When faced with significant choices, how do we decide? Do we succumb to the promise of momentary pleasure? To our urges and passions? To the pressure of our peers?"

He then continues to talk about Alice in Wonderland and how she comes to a crossroads and the Cheshire cat appears and she asks "Which path shall I follow?" The cat answers,
"That depends where you want to go. If you do not know where you want to go, it doesn't matter which path you take."

President Monson they says.
"Unlike Alice we all know where we want to go, and it does matter which way we go, for by choosing our path, we choose our destination."

While I realize this applies to all situations in our life, I of course apply it to my food addiction.

Everything I eat is a significant choice, so when eating do I succumb to pleasure or eat for happiness? Do I eat my urges and passions or eat for happiness? Do I eat what I am pressured to eat or eat for happiness?

I do know what path I want. I want the path of Happiness, which includes healthy and permeant weight loss, and if I can only remember, that every time I eat I am choosing a path. I am making a decision.

Another Quote from President Monson
"Such a goal is not achieved in one glorious attempt but rather is the result of a lifetime of righteousness, an accumulation of wise choices and even a constancy of purpose."

Also one from Richard G Scott
"We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day."

Am I perfect? No, but I can try to be, and it doesn't matter how slow the process is toward my goal as long as I am slowly progressing toward my goal.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


"When it is dark enough you can see the stars."
- Persain Proverb

Christmas was HARD. So no I didn't give my self the hundred pounds for Christmas.

Life is HARD. My Goliath keeps appearing and I don't feel like I have any stones left to hit him with. By now you should all know that this blog is an outlet for me. By writing this blog it helps me process what is really going on in my head, and with my eating. It usually doesn't mean I am as grumpy or as sad, or as heart broken as it sounds.

What is really quite humorous to me, is that I know, that my Goliath will always be with me, I know that, so WHY am I so surprised when he come thundering out of the valley to challenge me?

I guess he just wears so many different cloaks, and I just never feel prepared to go to battle with him. I honestly feel like I am still trying on the Kings armour EVERY time. I want to someday just be able to run out to meet him on the field with stones ready in my pocket.

The thing I found out about this battle, this time is that food doesn't work any more. It doesn't numb me any more. That is a little sad for me. And to be totally honest maddening.

On the up side Swinging my Kettlebell does. But unfortunately it is not as easy to access as food is.

I will win my battle with Goliath every time, because HE IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME. But man oh man I get so tired of the fighting.

Ok with all of that said.

I ran a 5k on December 31, in Lethbridge. The race was called the "Resolution Run" it was awesome. Pictures and maybe even video since Jesse got a video camera for Christmas might make an appearance on the next blog. It started at 6pm it was only -15 Celsius hardly any wind, about 200 people, the paths were mostly clear, I ran the whole way except for at the first because to many people. My great husband toted the children around the whole course with them yelling "go mom go".

I used to different running chants in my head. The first is my stand by chant.

I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm everything that I need to be I am a daughter of God, I am a daughter of God.

The second was a new one I made up just for this race because it was a "Resolution Race"

155, Legacy 1/2, and Pocatello Full

These of course being my personal resolutions for the year.

I want to hit my goal weight this year of 155 pounds. Which is 32.6 pounds away.

I want to run the Legacy 1/2 marathon. Which is only 21 weeks away.

I want to run the Pocatello Marathon. Which is only 8 months away.

So even though I am currently standing in the shadow of my Goliath and his shadow is so large that it blocks out the light. I just need to remember to look UP so that I can see the stars.
Love ya all and Happy New Year.