I know, I know two posts in one week wow! I wanted to write about Escaping this week, but the first post came out so beautiful that I decided that it needed to stand on its own feet.
I miss using food as an escape. It was an easy way to reward, and not be here to experience the pain that this life can sometimes leave. Now it has become an evil word to me, seriously I hate the word escape. I still feel like I want to escape sometimes, but I really don't. I want to stay here in the moment. I really believe that is one of our life's purposes, is to stay in the fire and feel the burn, pray to get through it, and walk out the other side only to find ourselves fireproof.
The origin of word escape in Latin, means "out of cape." The ancient Romans would often avoid capture by throwing off their capes when fleeing.
Although fleeing my life is very tempting, I am starting to believe that, when you flee a situation it is because you fear for your life. You believe that you will be in mortal harm if you stay where you are. I know that is one reason I have used food in the past, because I really believed that I would fall apart if I didn't escape.
I now know that I am stronger than that. These are the words Geneen Roth gave me about the subject. "When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop. When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart." (Women, Food, and God, pgs 80-81)
It also brings me back to when you want to escape or run away, when you want to flee, turn around, stand where you are, and try to become in a Matrix state of being. Slow the world down. What do you smell? What are you fingers touching? Where are your feet? Is your mouth dry or wet? Hear your heart beat? Remember "YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF GOD". You are the boss of your earthly tabernacle. You have the right to call upon the powers of Heaven to help you stand where you are instead of running away. When I am in this situation, it is as real danger to me as if I were standing in front of a Grizzly bear and I am slowly learning that I need to pray like I am.
There is a poem by Emily Dickson that I really love.
"I never hear the word "escape"
Without a quicker blood,
A sudden expectation,
A flying attitude.
I never hear of prisons broad
By soldiers battered down,
But I tug childish at my bars, --
Only to fail again!"
Yes when I first think about the word escape and all of its wonderful meanings:
–verb (used without object)
to slip or get away, as from confinement or restraint; gain or regain liberty: to escape from jail.
to slip away from pursuit or peril; avoid capture, punishment, or any threatened evil.
to issue from a confining enclosure, as a fluid.
to slip away; fade: The words escaped from memory.
Botany . (of an originally cultivated plant) to grow wild.
(of a rocket, molecule, etc.) to achieve escape velocity.
–verb (used with object)
to slip away from or elude (pursuers, captors, etc.): He escaped the police.
to succeed in avoiding (any threatened or possible danger or evil): She escaped capture.
to elude (one's memory, notice, search, etc.).
to fail to be noticed or recollected by (a person): Her reply escapes me.
(of a sound or utterance) to slip from or be expressed by (a person, one's lips, etc.) inadvertently.
an act or instance of escaping.
the fact of having escaped.
a means of escaping: We used the tunnel as an escape.
avoidance of reality: She reads mystery stories as an escape.
leakage, as of water or gas, from a pipe or storage container.
Botany . a plant that originated in cultivated stock and is now growing wild.
Physics, Rocketry . the act of achieving escape velocity.
Computers . a key (frequently labeled ESC) found on microcomputer keyboards and used for any of various functions, as to interrupt a command or move from one part of a program to another.
for or providing an escape: an escape route.
The meanings of the word escape all seem great but as Emily said the first thought of escape gets my heart pounding but the follow through of eating to escape only makes my prison stronger.
I don't want to escape anymore. I want instead to become stronger by staying to fight the good fight.
Heavenly Father give me enough strength to do so.