LIVING

Oh my, did I partake this last week.

For the first time ever, my group therapy did not go well last week for me, I left feeling insecure, and without focus. But what I did find interesting is that I found what I needed to buoy me up, I called sisters, friends and talked to my darling Jesse before I felt better. What I love about this is that I have strategies in place now. Where as before I would have turned to food for comfort, I now talk to a friend or friends, and went for a hard Run of two miles, I ran so fast that my throat felt a little sore after from breathing so hard. Not real smart considering I had to speak at Relief Society that night but oh well more research. It is crazy to me that all things are waiting and available to me I just have to figure them out.

So the Relief Society meeting was grand. We all left feeling positive and up lifted. There were even a few ladies that tried swinging the Kettle bells that I brought.

Friday I left with Dixie, Marilee, and Kaylynn, for Kalispell.








We did an incredible amount of shopping. I have not been a shopper in the past as my sisters will tell it, just has seemed to not be my thing, well nobody would have known that this weekend. Within 8 hours I found a long sleeve pull over, two pairs of jeans, two dresser type shirts, Black dress pants, Red jacket, and black dress shoes to top it all off. To the right is the proof that I was not alone in the shopping frenzy. I was having my own party in the dressing room fitting into Jeans that were a 14. It is remarkable to think that a little more than a year ago I was wearing size 26 jeans. I can't believe I am writing that but it just seems like time to talk about it. Once again I am so pleased with myself, I knew I could do this, but it was so covered up with caring for others, and years of not doing anything about it, that shoveling it out has taken an extreme amount of effort. Don't get me wrong I am not done, today I am still fighting feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, and hunger. I am concerned of relapse, it is just a matter of finding a balance between what I would like to do and what I need to do. For instance I would like to do is eat without thought, what ever is handy and convient. But what I need to do is feed my body in moderation, good food, so it can run efficiently enough that my spirit can accomplish all it needs to do on this earth.


Back to my road trip, after shopping all day we drove to Polson MT, and checked into the hotel. It was right on the end of Flat head lake, which was beautiful. The decore of the hotel was in true Montana fashion with exposed beams and also had different native artifacts.
There was an older native gentlemen sitting on the couch when we arrived and he was still there when we left for the race in the morning. I have now imagined, that he was there because his daughter was working the night desk, and had an abusive boyfriend who had threaten to come to work and "get her" and he stayed there all night just incase. (Ok that was a little crazy.)

After checking into our rooms, we enjoyed a late dinner and then went to the Hot tub, mmmmmm, I really love a hot tub, I also took a dip in the pool. We laughed and talked, and enjoyed each others company throughly. I have found some real kindred spirits in these ladies. Kaylynn and I were talking about it and it really was a odd group, none of us the same age, none of us the same height, but yet there seemed to be so much drawing us together.

We arrived at the race early, the leaves were beautiful, and they had fires going to keep us warm, as usual the atmosphere was grand. I really love this about running. Long distance runners are in general are some the most humble, happy people I know. I believe that is because when you run long distances it takes a lot of mental training along with physical.
You end up spending a lot of time with yourself when you are training for long runs, and you might not like what find, but you always know who you are. We got our great race packs, ie bag of pasta, long sleeve shirt, metal water bottle, sport jelly beans, and such and then waited till it was time to race. We also found more friends Debbie, and Erin and had fun talking to them. As we were waiting for the race to begin I was asked to hold up a speaker for the announcer, I found this a little odd, and yet funny, is there something tattooed somewhere on me that says "I will serve you."

The race was under way, I knew my friend Kaylynn would be running the 5K in about 30 minutes, so I had a secret plan to try and keep her in my sights, and then the gun went off and then Kaylynn went off and I immediately changed race strategies. Still wanted to try for a personal best so I push my pace. I fell into stride with a very tall native man, with a long grey braid, who was wearing a pink shirt, and white shorts over top of black tights we ran about half the race together, we didn't talk much but we seemed to share energy. It was nice. The course was uphill until half way and then down hill. I only walked a little. I had a really good kick at the end which I maybe should have started a little sooner, but oh well. I did end up with a Personal Best of 36 minutes. Which I was happy about. I also got asked if they could show my picture in the Polson newspaper, "because you just have the most beautiful smile." That was cute I guess, whatever.

The Race was called Live Locally, they were sponsoring a local girl who is trying to go to the 2012 Olympics in Pole Vaulting she was there, and was so nice. Her name is Melinda Owens, I got her to sign my bib number just in case she won. She was really cute about us being Canadians, and coming to support her. Here is a picture of her and the gang.


So beside the size 14 jeans, it also felt great that the running shirt I ordered was a little baggy, but it still looked great.


I am still wondering if I would have done this a year ago? Wondering if I had enough confidence in myself to go away with these fabulous women for the weekend to get some serious shopping done and fit in a 5k? But then again who cares, OHHH how I love my life.