Why Barefoot??

WHY BAREFOOT????
Because being barefoot to me is being raw. Feeling every sharp rock, lush clover, spiky thistle, cushioned blade of grass, slimy covered stones, fragrant feathered flowers, cereal of sand, bead of water, element of litter, and the mash of mud.

Being Barefoot is the promise of prancing in the moonlight, leaping in the waves, running through a meadow, dancing on the porch, and doing all this while enduring a long journey to the end.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Crying

I need to cry, I know I need to cry, but I can't seem too. I even know the reason I need to cry, I am pretty much a wreck about taking my daughter Sara to the Children's Hospital tomorrow. What usually happens is that I am fine until the night we leave then I sneak up to my parents house and have a good cry with them and lay it all at their feet and walk away. But since they are currently on a mission that is physically not going to happen. I guess I might have to make another trip to the "Garden" tonight.

I have even talked to a couple of friends about it. Saying there is only three options, her Nephrologist (kidney specialist), will do,
  1. We will continue doing the currently 24hr blood pressure tests 4 times a year.
  2. Results are so great that we don't need to do anymore testing.
  3. We need to do more evasive testing.
All of these are still guesses I have no idea what he is going to say. Only 72 more hours and this lack of information will be filled.

In the mean time, I maintained my 100 pounds, this week through all the celebration, and current stress, which I am delighted with.

Monday my children had a snow day and so we made squares, which I ate entirely too many of but that was yesterday and today is today.

I am wound up tighter than ever, and I really need to get it out, because I can't be this way for my daughter. I have to put on the brave face and make this as fun as possibly can be for her. I have done a wonderful job of faking it so far. We have made shopping lists for clothes that she needs, brought nail stuff that we can do, new card game and a new book to read together. It really is times like this where, I kind of wish eating still helped, or just something, I guess I had better get off the computer and go swing a kettlebell for a while. And do some more praying. Thanks for letting me vent!
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6 comments:

  1. Dixie DeeFebruary 8, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    You'll make it, hang on!! Isn't that the story of life? Hang on!!!! I'm hoping for good news, so at the moment, no news is good news!! You enjoy Sara, the treadmill and focus on the good stuff, to help get through the rough stuff(might not be any). Way to go on the Maintaining thing!! Something to be proud of girlie!!!! We're all talking to the "Big Guy" for and with you!!! Good Luck!!

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  2. Crystal HWFebruary 8, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    Blogs can also be good for support, venting, and knowing you are human. It is not an easy time for you and your family. Sometimes it is okay to cry.

    You and your family are in my prayers!

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  3. shaunaFebruary 8, 2011 at 11:59 PM

    Why don't you ever phone me, sister? I'm not your mom but I can fake it for you. I love you and we're thinking/praying for you. Keep on keeping on.

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  4. RitaFebruary 10, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    So sorry, BJ. Loving you and praying for Sara tonight. xoxox

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  5. Becky JonesFebruary 11, 2011 at 11:21 AM

    How did things turn out? You have been in my thoughts and prayers. It is amazing that food isn't comfort for you anymore. I still struggle with that. I have eaten foods that I haven't touched in 18 months since my surgery. I need to get back to eating just the good stuff. I hope you have good news.

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  6. BarbFebruary 11, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    Let me clarify, food doesn't give me that numbing feeling that I use to get from it. I would be feeling up tight ready to burst and just eating a chocolate (or several) would actually numb that feeling or make it go away of course it would always come back. From what I read it is the same thing that happens to all addicts whether it be alcohol or drugs.

    I just can't eat the chocolate anymore in bliss, when I go to eat it at that moment for that reason, I get sick to think that I am blowing everything I have worked for, and it is just not worth it plus the numbing doesn't last that long anymore. So I usually end up doing other things which are better choices for me. But sometimes food is just so convenient, or it is just what I am used to using.

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