I bought an apple...

So I was picking up a few things for my darling husband, and it was past dinner time, I hadn't eaten, the children had been home by themselves for a few hours, and so I knew that the situation at home was not going to be a pleasant one. I circled the store a few times looking for some relief the M&M's were calling me telling me "here is an escape, here is what you can use to get you through the next step, don't worry were here, it's okay it will just be this time, just buy a small bag."  Thank the heavens for the last loop of the store I was able to picture what eating the M&M's would feel like and it isn't what I wanted. I didn't want to need something to get me through, I wanted to be okay on my own. I didn't want to feel guilt of eating something that was lying to me. Yes M&M's lie. They say all those things but they really don't give me any of them instead they give me tighter jeans, and I don't want tighter jeans I want looser jeans. But the reality is I was hungry so I bought an apple not a bag but one Red Delicious  apple and ate it on the way home. It was so juicy, good and filling. I walked into my house feeling full, happy, confident, and prepared.

Today in group (yes I am still going to group) I decided to tell this story. I remember at the start of my weight loss journey celebrating every little success and I mean EVERY one. I have stopped doing that I have been wadding and focusing so much on my failure that there seemed to be no success.  So I can commit to writing to you my small success when they come, and you will in turn patiently wait for them because you and I both know that they are coming.

I have a friend that had completed her morning workout and was lying on the bench she hadn't eaten breakfast yet. She put her stomach and felt how empty it was and it felt good. When you have an eating problem so much of it is because you want to feel full. Full of ___________ (love, appreciation fulfilment, excitement and even sadness sometimes.)  But as she talked about this is experience I was in a state of wonder and excitement over the thought of feeling empty and with the being empty the anticipation of what Heavenly Father could fill it with.  All of sudden I wanted to be empty so I could be filled with God's love.
xoxo
Barb