In the middle of a very muddy puddle.......

The Muddy Puddle

by Dennis Lee

I am sitting

In the middle

Of a rather Muddy Puddle,

With my bottom

Full of bubbles

and my rubbers

Full of Mud,

While my jacket

And my sweater

Go on slowly

Getting wetter

As I very

Slowly settle

To the Bottom

Of the Mud.

And I find that

What a person

With a puddle

Round his middle

thinks of mostly

In the muddle

Is the Muddi-Ness of Mud.

This is the best description of my life right now. Or I was even thinking that right now in my marathon race I am so tired that I am walking instead of running. Once in a while I will "run" to the next telephone pole or the mail box or for at least 20 fence posts, but then I walk again. Good news is that it is still moving forward. Still going the right way, I am not standing still or moving backwards. Even when you look closer at the picture above have you ever seen a more beautiful mud puddle, and just look around the corner no mud and soft green grass to run on.

I just keep telling everyone and myself that I am FINE. My friend Kaylynn told me that "fine" is a four letter word, it is true, but it is better than saying some other four letter words I would like to say.

It is not the exercise but always the food. I am so addicted to using food as a mood changer, that it brings me back to my knees. But the good news is that while I am already on my knees I figure there is no harm in praying, and then......My Father in Heaven sends so many blessings, love, and guiding hands to help me I think WHY can't you get on your knees before the food??? Maybe it wouldn't be the same? Maybe someday I can love my addiction because it brings me closer to God?

Mmmmmmm that day is not on my radar screen yet but there is Hope.

Here is just one of the many ways Heavenly Father has helped me this week, during my personal scripture study.

Mosiah 23:21-23

21 Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to ^achasten his people; yea, he trieth their ^bpatience and their faith.

22 Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his ^atrust in him the same shall be ^blifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people.

23 For behold, I will show unto you that they were brought into^abondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God, yea, even the God of Abraham and Isaac and of Jacob.

I don't really feel like I am being "chastened" but I do believe my patience is being tried, and I do KNOW that none can deliver me but the Lord God.

xoxo

Barb

2 out of 3 isn't bad

Resolutions for 2011 were

Legacy 1/2 marathon check

Pocatello full marathon check

and hit 155........

And so as we approach another new year it seems I have left over resolutions.

This is a quote from another blog that I love. Click here to read the whole thing.

"The crucial difference between a goal and a resolution.

One's a hope, and one's a plan.

A goal might be to lose weight, get in shape, eat healthier, love better, get a promotion, higher grades in school, etc. Those are things you truly hope you'll do in 2012.

A resolution?

That'd be the plan that'll actually get you there."

So with that in mind. The only goal I have for 2012 is to weigh 155.

My resolutions are to:

Exercise 5 days a week.

Journal what I eat.

Check in weekly at clinic.

Do not eat after 9pm at night.

Never give up. Never.

I have decided I don't care if this is my only goal for the rest of my life I will eventually reach this goal. I don't care how many time I mess up, or how many times I fall down. I am not entirely sure this is all I will need to do to reach my goal. I might need to set more resolutions later but this for now will do.

Yes, there is a part of me that wants to just be happy with where I am at, be happy maintain, be healthy, but the other part is screaming to continue on, and so I will.

Linda once said to me "That I will reach my weight goal the same way I trained and ran my marathon. I will put in all the training I need so that once I am there it won't seem so difficult. "

It is and was a light bulb moment for me. That is why I am not going to go a "DIET" just to reach this weight. I will continue to do it by slowly changing my way of life, so when I do get there if will seem like I know how to be there. I will continue to adjust my life now slowly and consistently, so that I will be able to be that weigh for the rest of my life.

I choose this journey, and come what may.

xoxo

Barb