Help

So I don't know if you have noticed this or not but this is not a fluffy blog, it isn't really about happy places or smiley faces. It really is about my journey right now, and let me tell you right now is not a good place.  Weigh in this morning is 191.4.

It feels so dark.  I am fighting everything I have to write about it right now.

I just finished reading the book "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, and it is giving me the gumption to write  this blog.

On the back cover of the book it says this.
"Because they are suffocating within the lines that define their town and their times. And sometimes lines are made to be crossed."


I am just going to type it, sometimes I feel trapped by what I know I should do and by what I want to do. There are some things that burn so deep with in me that it takes everything I have just to stand still in the place where I am at. So what do I do? I pray. Poor Heavenly Father, sometimes I feel like the most needy child in the world. But can I just tell you like we were sitting on my porch sipping lemonade, that Heavenly Father puts out those fires just like snowflakes falling from Heaven on Christmas Eve. It is beautiful and magic. I do believe those desires I have are there for a purpose made not known to me yet. Maybe they are simple there so I will pray to Heavenly Father for guidance, and peace.

I ran across this quote:

“Occasionally some individuals let the seeming ordinariness of life dampen their spirits. Though actually coping and growning, others lack the quiet, inner-soul satisfaction that can steady them, and are experiencing instead, a lingering sense that there is something more important they should be doing . . .as if what is quietly achieved in righteous individual living or in parenthood are not sufficiently spectacular.” 
― Neal A. Maxwell

Yep that is me, not in the good sense. Oh yeah and there were a couple of other ones.

“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.” 
― Neal A. Maxwell

“Some mothers in today's world feel "cumbered" by home duties and are thus attracted by other more "romantic" challenges. Such women could make the same error of perspective that Martha made. The woman, for instance, who deserts the cradle in order to help defend civilization against the barbarians may well later meet, among the barbarians, her own neglected child.” 
― Neal A. Maxwell, Wherefore, Ye Must Press Forward


Can I just share my prayer for myself this week.
"Heavenly Father thank for this opportunity to help you raise children and try to establish an eternal family and marriage. Lord oh Lord please help me, help me remember this is why we are here, help me be humble in my weakness and continue to rely on your arm and not the arm of flesh, help me grow, help me learn, help to stay true, help to have faith and help to return to you."


I don't know what is going to help me start losing weight again. My plan so far consists of starting weekly appointments with Linda again next week. One step, just this one step, just for today.
xoxo
Barb