Food addiction and Repentance

Yes I know that picture of my feet is so ugly but it is what it is, my poor toes are still recovering from the marathon. They don't hurt anymore they just look that ugly.

In order to understand how much I love this conference talk you first must understand that I consider my food addiction just as much an offence to Heavenly Father as a drug, porn, or alcohol. I realize that some people will think this is extreme. But I have come to realize that instead of feeling the feeling and then turning to Heavenly Father for comfort, peace, and answers on how to deal with things I have, in the past just used food to alter my mood.

The definition of addiction is

ad·dic·tion

   [uh-dik-shuhn] Show IPA noun

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics,to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

I was eating so much extra food that my feet were becoming wreaked. I was 35 years old and wearing inserts in my shoes because my feet hurt so bad from walking around. I was so tired that I didn't have very much patience with my children, or spouse. To me that was severe trauma.

So when I read the conference talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson titled The Divine Gift of Repentance (click on highlighted version to see or listen to the whole talk) it meant a lot to me because I need to repent what feels like almost every day, for using food to alter my moods. Here are some of my favourite parts.

"Only repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life."

"Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace."

I don't really know if I have every said "I need to repent" with a smile on my face. But I am going to try it this week.

"First, the invitation to repent is an expression of love."

I have never thought of repentance in this way I love it. Yes of course it is an expression of love.

"Second, repentance means striving to change. It would mock the Savior’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross for us to expect that He should transform us into angelic beings with no real effort on our part. Rather, we seek His grace to complement and reward our most diligent efforts (see 2 Nephi 25:23). Perhaps as much as praying for mercy, we should pray for time and opportunity to work and strive and overcome. Surely the Lord smiles upon one who desires to come to judgment worthily, who resolutely labors day by day to replace weakness with strength. Real repentance, real change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy in such striving."

This one made me cry. I especially like that the Lord would smile on one who desires to come to judgment worthily. I want to badly to be worthy to live with him again.

"Third, repentance means not only abandoning sin but also committing to obedience. The Bible Dictionary states, “Repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, [as well as] a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined.”¹

^{What hit me on this one was "renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined."}

"For our turning to the Lord to be complete, it must include nothing less than a covenant of obedience to Him."

I had never thought of it this way that I am making a covenant with the Lord to be obedient to Him.

"In the memorable expression of Professor Noel Reynolds, “The choice to repent is a choice to burn bridges in every direction [having determined] to follow forever only one way, the one path that leads to eternal life.”^3"

This quote is going on the wall.

^"Fourth, repentance requires a seriousness of purpose and a willingness to persevere, even through pain."

"With faith in the merciful Redeemer and His power, potential despair turns to hope. One’s very heart and desires change, and the once-appealing sin becomes increasingly abhorrent. A resolve to abandon and forsake the sin and to repair, as fully as one possibly can, the damage he or she has caused now forms in that new heart. This resolve soon matures into a covenant of obedience to God."

"Any pain entailed in repentance will always be far less than the suffering required to satisfy justice for unresolved transgression. "

I so needed this today, in working through my weight loss I have come up against some very hard mental things to deal with. So hard that at times I really don't know if it is worth it. But so far the pain has been worth it. Like my friend Patrica said "Choose your hard. It is hard to be fat. It is hard to be at a healthy weight so choose your hard."

"Fifth, whatever the cost of repentance, it is swallowed up in the joy of forgiveness."

I have felt that joy, and want to continue to feel it, and so wipe off the tears change the prayers to ones of praying for time and opportunity to work and strive and overcome, and lift your head up. You are a daughter of God and He will never abandon you.

Food addiction is tough, you still need to eat food. You cannot go cold turkey. I don't know what going cold turkey is like but it seems like it would be a little bit easier to me than just eating a little, or you only get to eat this one, but not that one. It is very difficult. It is very hard. But Heavenly has helped me in the past and He will continue to help me in the future, as long as I continue to ask humbling for help.

xoxoxoxo

Barb