Dark days and Happy endings

Hi, are  you still there?

I am still here and still fighting.

I feel somewhat like Enos this morning and so let me quote him.
"And I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins."    -Enos :2

While the rest of the summer was fun, I was constantly wrestling with my weight and it has gone up too 207 pounds.

This is not good. 

So this fall I have gone back to lifestyles and weighing in once a week. I also have started to attend an Addiction Recovery Program facilitated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I am tempted to blog about each of the 12 steps but it is too much right now.  I feel like I will be doing and attending these meetings for a while so don't worry I will eventually be blogging about it.  In the mean time if your interested in some incredible reading material see this link for some. Also, check out this book He Did Deliver Me from Bondage these have been very helpful for me in the past month as I have been climbing out of a dark hole.

Now for the happy ending part. 
Sara, I think you all know about Sara (if not click here to get the first part of the story), and I made our annual trek to Calgary last month to do all of her tests and check ups.  To our great delight her doctor released her from the Oncology clinic which means we don't have to go back there anymore. After 10 years of traveling back and forth we are done. 

As I was working through my addictions work book this week I was on Step 3, which is Trust in God. One of the questions was about Alma and his people when they were being persecuted by Amulon for the full story click here.  

14 And I will also ease the ^aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as^bwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their ^cafflictions.

 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did^astrengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with ^cpatience to all the will of the Lord.

The question went some like how would you feel about the Lord just easing your burden instead of taking it away?
I had been pondering on that a while, when the answer came to me somewhere between laying in bed and falling asleep. 
There I was reminded of the night before Sara's surgery to remove her right kidney and tumour, that night was passed in awful fear and pleading until about 2 or 3 in the morning right outside her hospital room was a patch of grass and I went out there to talk with my Heavenly Father finally after explaining to Him that I didn't want Sara to go "Home" I wanted her to stay with me, I finally was able to utter the words... 

"nevertheless not as I ^dwill, but as ^ethou ^fwilt."

Heavenly Fathers will was that Sara come out of that surgery. As the weeks and months and years passed by with visits to and from the Children's Hospital in Calgary. I was a changed women.  The first couple of weekly and monthly visits were very difficult as it would be for any one to have your baby tested, prodded and poked, but it was also difficult to see all the little bald heads, sometimes I would even think of concentration camps. It was hard, but I continued to pray for help. I was given new eyes to see and ears to hear. Instead of concentration camps I saw smiles, and tinkle in the eyes of children doing hard things, I saw parents and volunteers reaching out to each other, and my "burdens on my shoulders felt eased." As the years went by we ALMOST started to look forward to our visits, being able to donate toys, and others ways to help, and "our burdens were made light ." As Sara grew we would plan our girl get aways around nails, haircuts, school shopping and visits to the Ronald MacDonald house, and "we felt like the Lord strengthened us so that we could bear our burdens with ease so we could submit cheerfully and with patience." 

It had been 10 years of bondage and travel when we were released, and I again felt like Alma's people.

21 Yea, and in the valley of Alma they poured out their ^athanks to God because he had been merciful unto them, and eased their^bburdens, and had delivered them out of bondage; for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it were the Lord their God.

 22 And they gave ^athanks to God, yea, all their men and all their women and all their children that could speak lifted their voices in the praises of their God.

The Lord has already given and shown me the answer to this question. He will ease the burden of my addiction on my shoulders. He will make my burdens seem light. He will strengthen me so I can bear with this burden. He will help me submit cheerfully and with patience to His will and eventually I will be lead out of bondage in His time and His way.  I do believe He will do this so that "I may stand as a witness for Him hereafter and know with a surety that the Lord will visit people in their afflictions." Can I trust in God to deliver me from bondage? 

YES!

But I will still have to pray all the time like this, 

"Lord, I believe; help thou mine ^aunbelief."
xoxo
Barb