Let's Pretend

In July of this year my cousin Valorie passed away, leaving John, Dallia (12), and Ridge (5). It has been a very difficult transistion for me. This is only one of the things I feel like I need to share with the world about us.


Let's Pretend

Let's pretend our favourite phrase and used almost all of our days
Let's pretend were pioneers in the field......
Let's pretend were astroaunts on the trampoline....
Let's pretend were jockey's riding in a race.....
Let's pretend were orphans eating our last food.....
Let's pretend were on a treause hunt.......
Let's pretend this is our hut and we live in the woods.....
Let's pretend those cows are bulls and they are after us.....
Let's pretend we live on an island and those goats are our only last source of food....


But now I pretend alone
and there are days where I am sinking like a stone
I pretend your here..........
I pretend we hug......
I pretend we go for a walk, drive, or just sit and talk......
I pretend there is no such thing as addiction....
I pretend to smile like nothings wrong.....
I pretend not to miss you....
I pretend your parents are doing fine...
I pretend like depression isn't real....

I pretend.......


xoxo
Barb

Run in the rain

When one commits to training for anything whether it be a child rearing, bachelors degree, triathlon, marathon, weight loss, weight gain (yes there are people out there that train for that), 5k, or even finishing a book. They almost immediately come up against barriers to staying true to that training.  I am currently training for a 1/2 marathon the training schedule looks like this

Week	Monday	Wednesday	Thursday	Saturday
1	1.5	2	1.5	2.5
2	1.5	2	1.5	3
3	1.5	2	1.5	3.5
4	1.5	2.5	1.5	4
5	1.5	2.5	1.5	5
6	2	2.5	2	5.5
7	2	3	2	6
8	2	3	2	7
9	2	3.5	2	8
10	2	4	2	8
11	2.5	4	2.5	8
12	2.5	4	2.5	9
13	2.5	4	2.5	10
14	2.5	4	2.5	4.5
15	1.5	2.5	1.5	4
16	1.5	1.5	walk 1.5	1/2 Marathon

I am currently on week 3 which meant today I needed to run 2 miles.  The top picture is what it looked like today yep rain. I woke up with the best intentions only to find it so foggy that it wouldn't be safe to run so I went back to bed for an hour. Then I had decisions to make. My decision making process looks something like this.
"I am in week 3 so yes I am committed to this training  and I don't want to start all over again.
I will have to run 2 miles sometime today.
I could run on the treadmill, or outside.
I prefer outside.
OK I need to do it before Maggie gets home from preschool, but I am going Visiting Teaching at 8:30am and Maggie gets home at 11am mmmm.....
I could ask for help.
oh that is hard but so is starting the training all over again........
Just pick up the phone... just pick up the phone... just pick up the phone.
OK got some help my darling sister in law will pick me up on the way home from preschool with Maggie.
Now I just need to get out the door.
Oh great it is raining."

Here I will stop and let you out of my mind because too much time spent in there can be dangerous.
There are many wonderful things about  running in the rain.
1. You feel hard core. "Yep I am running in the rain."
2. You tend to take your steps to the tune "Running in the rain just running in the rain..."
3. You feel clean even though you aren't.
4. You are happy.
5. When you are finished you get double endorphins one because you ran 2 miles and two because it is DONE and you get a check mark.

The great thing training has taught me is this saying"Oh Hello (put in obstacle or barrier here IE rain, hill, sore knee, kids) come and run with me today."

In case you were wondering I did it more apples this week just not as many as I would have liked.
xoxo
Barb

I bought an apple...

So I was picking up a few things for my darling husband, and it was past dinner time, I hadn't eaten, the children had been home by themselves for a few hours, and so I knew that the situation at home was not going to be a pleasant one. I circled the store a few times looking for some relief the M&M's were calling me telling me "here is an escape, here is what you can use to get you through the next step, don't worry were here, it's okay it will just be this time, just buy a small bag."  Thank the heavens for the last loop of the store I was able to picture what eating the M&M's would feel like and it isn't what I wanted. I didn't want to need something to get me through, I wanted to be okay on my own. I didn't want to feel guilt of eating something that was lying to me. Yes M&M's lie. They say all those things but they really don't give me any of them instead they give me tighter jeans, and I don't want tighter jeans I want looser jeans. But the reality is I was hungry so I bought an apple not a bag but one Red Delicious  apple and ate it on the way home. It was so juicy, good and filling. I walked into my house feeling full, happy, confident, and prepared.

Today in group (yes I am still going to group) I decided to tell this story. I remember at the start of my weight loss journey celebrating every little success and I mean EVERY one. I have stopped doing that I have been wadding and focusing so much on my failure that there seemed to be no success.  So I can commit to writing to you my small success when they come, and you will in turn patiently wait for them because you and I both know that they are coming.

I have a friend that had completed her morning workout and was lying on the bench she hadn't eaten breakfast yet. She put her stomach and felt how empty it was and it felt good. When you have an eating problem so much of it is because you want to feel full. Full of ___________ (love, appreciation fulfilment, excitement and even sadness sometimes.)  But as she talked about this is experience I was in a state of wonder and excitement over the thought of feeling empty and with the being empty the anticipation of what Heavenly Father could fill it with.  All of sudden I wanted to be empty so I could be filled with God's love.
xoxo
Barb

Oh hi

Yep still here, still moving, mostly walk/runing weight is up to 226. Big sigh, and little head shake. Roll of the shoulders. Head back deep breath. I have started weighing in mornings and trying to earn 3 check marks. One for scriptures, one for excercise, and one for logging food. It seems to have stopped weight gain for now wahooooo. I have been logging food on my phone. Seems to be working. I have also found something that is helping me be nicer to myself. So if you want check this out, and comment back, on what type you are.
http://dressingyourtruthbjs.com/
xoxo
Barb

Thanks Steve

Last Saturday was the year anniversary of Steve Hall's passing away. While I knew Steve, I know his older brother, sister, and parents better. He has a darling wife and four beautiful children still here. My sister and brother decided to join his wife in running the moonlight run in honour  of his passing. Steve knew how to live life and did it well. It was a very introspective run for me. I was able to run the first mile with my sister Marina which was great. The stars were very bright out and every once in while I would find myself walking only to have a gentle reminder or even cheerleader to get moving again. At the end of this run there is a very steep long hill so needless to say I was walking up it and there came down the hill another runner just watching people and walking along he walked so much like Steve it actually kind of spooked me out at first only to get a confirmation that while that wasn't Steve that he was surely there with all of us. It reminded me of this video.





I hope she doesn't mind but I have copied the words expressed by Steve's Widow Lara.

" I cannot express in words how I feel. Gratitude to friends, family, and God. Thank you to each of you. After a year I should stop being so amazed at how my prayers for peace and comfort continually are answered through your acts of love. But with each kind word, card, message, act of service, I am literally overwhelmed with a feeling of love. I have not been forgotten or forsaken. Thanks for taking time to remember me and especially Steve. I watched my children through the planning and actual day wondering what they were thinking. I believe they were happy to be reminded how amazing their dad was and they were reminded of how many lives he touched (Kobee wore her orange buff around her wrist to church yesterday and to school today). Thank you all. If you can share any pictures or video you have of the run in Lethbridge or Red Deer I would really love that!"

So in her request here is the pictures of the race.

We also had orange buffs made that had Steve's favourite saying "SMASH IT OUT"!

So today I hope you all do that!

xoxo

Barb

Number 1

The single most grateful thing in my life would have to be parents. I know weird eh. Yes, parents, to me are the greatest invention in the eternities.  It is the thing that everyone on this earth has it takes one man and one women to create everybody on this earth. Now weather they are present in your life the rest of the time is sometimes not the case. Parents have influence on everybody no matter what.   Even if they are there  or not they are still an influence. Spooky right. I happen to be a parent and I am grateful for that too. For me it is the best learning tool my Heavenly Father could have ever given me. I have great parents who are not perfect, some people believe that they are but they aren't, which is a great blessing to me. By knowing that they struggle with huge issues helps me in my struggles. I am truly grateful for my Heavenly parents.  For forgiving  me over and over again, for sending my brother Jesus Christ to be born in a stable, and later to take upon my sins, and die on the cross for me.  So that I can return to live with them and all my brothers and sisters.

Now let me apologize for the lateness of this entry. Sorry. That's it.
xoxo
Barb

2 great things in my life....

Today's post is in dedication to Joseph Smith it's his birthday you know.  I could write a lot about how many great things Joseph Smith has brought into my life but for consistancy sake I will keep it to two.

2 - The Book of Mormon. I love this book and know that it was written by God, the power in its daily teachings for me is overwhelming.

1 - Restoration of the Priesthood. There has been some "talk" about women in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Well I happen to be a women in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I love it. I love the priesthood and respect all worthy priesthood holders. The priesthood is one of the greatest things in my life because of it I have made covenents with my Father in Heaven to enable me to return to Him one day if I endure to the end.
xoxo
Barb

3 great things in my life....

I love shovelling snow I know kind of weird isn't it but that is today's theme: Three reason's to shovel snow.

3 - Because you can. One reason I love to shovel snow is that I know that there will be one day where I might not be able to physically do it so I enjoy the movement and exertion of shovelling.

2 - It is a reason to be outside. I love being outside but being productive outside is even better. I love it when your lungs sting from the cold air and a red runny nose and ice crystals in my eyelashes. I love dressing up in layers and then sweating so you start to peel them off.

1 - It's better than shovelling poop. Yes, I have shoveled my fair share of poop physically and metaphorically.  Shovelling snow is even better than vacum tracks, you get immediate results it looks better and you can see what you have accomplished.

xoxo
Barb

4 great things in my life....

It does take an extra effort but it is totally worth every once in a while to stay in your pj's all day. Which brings us to today's theme; Why to stay in my pj's today and refuse to leave the house.

4 - Because it hasn't happened in over a month.

3 - Because my laundry pile is taller than my youngest child.

2 - Because it is snowing outside.

1 - Because I have two new library Christmas movies I haven't watched yet. Merry Christmas to me.

xoxox
Barb

5 great things in my life....

5 is my favourite number I think it began because I loved kindergarten a lot and I was 5 when I went, also I was born in the 5th month along with my Grandmas Pilling.  Then again it has just always hung around and comes in useful when people ask what's your favourite number?  Today's theme 5 people I love most in the world.

5 - Jesse, my best friend for over 22 years, he is the yin to my yang, and I really cannot begin to express how much I love him but more so how much I REALLY  like him most of the time.

4 - Ryan since I already posted about him I feel like it would be redundant to do it again, but I really love him.

3 - Sara if any of you have had a child who has been seriously ill you can understand that you relationship with that child is different from your other children it is not something you think will happen or want to happen but it just happens from hours and hours of waiting, driving and staying in hospitals. Sara is  the kid that I always say I hope you get a kid like you when you grow up but I mean it in a good way she helps me all the time. She makes me think maybe just maybe I am not the worst parent in the world. She does kind acts of service ie cleaning the kitchen, reading to younger siblings....

2 - Annie is so beautiful that she scares me, she holds tremendous power over people. She has a will of iron and I pray a lot that she uses her powers for good and not evil. When Annie likes me she really likes me and when she doesn't I try to remember that I am the adult. She loves animals of all kinds and is a true farm girl.  She hurts more than any of my other children, I mean her emotions are very strong she is either absolutely delightful or  well .... She keeps us on our toes and I cannot imagine life without her.

1 - Maggie the baby not in the way where she gets or wants everything but in the way that people dote on her. It might have to do with the red hair but she just has a fairy princess, polite, and grown up air about her. She can play with Annie, Sara and Ryan all in the same moment, she is remarkable independent and still lets me snuggle her even though she is four.